Sir Charles: I Can't Look At Them Anymore
by Bane Keldare
Summary: One hedgehog's dreams went up all in smoke...now he laments about his past...his pain...


"Sir Charles: 'I Can't Look At Them Anymore…'"

by Bane Keldare

All characters are © Sega.

Song lyrics are © To Gravity Kills.

Credit for this fic can go partially toward Lizsama, for her picture "Uncle Chuck and the Roboticizer," because of the inspiration it gave me.

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"When the clock is ticking…

A twisted face I see…

My sight is blinded by the darkness…

It doesn't mean a fucking thing to me…

Turning from my window..

Nothing phases me…

I've built this perfect little hellhole…

Seems to be the perfect place for me…"

                        --Gravity Kills, "Here"

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            Sonic the Hedgehog's hands were shaking visibly as he held the paper in his hand. His own tears stained a handwritten letter, addressed to him. The fur on Sally's hands was matted down from her own tears, as her sniffles broke the silence of the still night in Uncle Chuck's hut.

            "Sonic…read it…" she pleaded…she begged.

            Sonic's lip quivered as he read the first line. "I…I can't do it…God...!"

            "Please…just do it…I want to…hear it…"

            Swallowing hard, Sonic bit his lower lip to keep himself from breaking down.

_"My dearest Sonic, and everyone else," _Sonic began.

_            I know that what I've done could very well be inexcusable. I'm gone now…I'm somewhere far away from this place…I just couldn't take it anymore. So I ran. I finally know why Sonic likes to run…because as I'm writing this letter, I'm about to do it myself._

_            A long time ago, as you're all well aware, I was the head developer in creating the Roboticizer that now terrorizes the populace of Mobius. You know it wasn't meant for this…you know what I _intended_ it for._

_            The machine was revolutionary. It had the ability to take any living matter, and restructure it into a metallic, robotic structure, while leaving the person, and the functions of the body intact. A breakthrough in science, as this kind of metamorphosis was only dreamed of by scientists of long ago. But now, this was reality…it had so much potential._

_            The first test subjects came back with astounding, positive results. Not only were they intact, but they retained all of their memories, and they even said that they could feel through their metallic fingers as if it were skin. Did the machine actually find a way to materialize sensational nanites within the outer shell of the body? We still have no idea._

_            One day…in the lab…Julian came up to me and asked me about the possibility of changing the machine's programming…to deprive the robots of free will. He said that we could perform cloning…which has an unlimited supply…DNA is everywhere. He suggested that we could clone a strong citizen, roboticize the clone, and use it as a work force…and a security force._

_            God dammit…why didn't I fire him that day? Why did I forgive him? Why? I chewed him out really good about the ethics, and the morals about that kind of ideology, but I played it off as him just being curious about the machine. He was still rather young, it's something he would think of, given his youth._

_            Well…I have to admit…I didn't expect…any of this._

_            Maybe my dreams were reaching a bit high, too. Since the beginning of time, every living creature has been aware of its own mortality, and we've all strived to find ways to live longer. Medical practices were conceived, medicines were produced, technology evolved, knowledge about our own bodies expanded…and in the end, we are all still mortal._

_            So I thought my machine could finally end that fear. Robots don't die, they just require maintenance, right? Keep a robot well tuned, and they could last…well…_

_            Forever…_

_            But…well…that day when Julian took over…I…_

_            Sorry about that, I had to start the voice-write software over. I started to choke up right about there._

_            Julian…no…Robotnik attacked, as you know…you were five at the time. I…tried to save your father, but I failed. So I gave myself up so that you could make it out of the city. I had no idea what Robotnik would have planned for me. We entered the chamber…with the Roboticizer._

_            I asked him what the hell he was planning, and he just grinned at me, pointing at all these previously roboticized citizens lined up against the wall, in perfect military single file._

_            "No…" I said. "The machine wasn't meant for this!"_

_            Robotnik laughed as I was placed inside._

_            "Isn't this what you wanted? Eternal life?!" I heard him cackle._

_            I pounded on the glass as hard as I could to escape…I watched as the ring rose from the floor of the machine…transforming me…claiming me. I lost feeling in my feet…then my legs…but then I got it back again, but it felt distant. It was like the feelings weren't registering…_

_            Then the ring rose over my head._

_            I could feel…no…I could actually _hear_ my thoughts being digitized into ones and zeros, changing into data within my own head. I could still make out Robotnik's laughter…echoing in my robotic head…I could actually feel the audio receptors take in the sound waves…I could feel them being transformed into something I could understand. It's like being able to experience your ears performing their function…from a distance._

_            But that wasn't all…no. Robotnik had to do something special to me…he altered the programming…just for me._

_            When I stepped out of the Roboticizer, I looked at the other previously roboticized citizens…and I saw…them. In fact, I looked down at myself, and saw myself…in flesh and blood! I knew I was a robot, the feelings were still there, but my optics' programming were altered…a sick and twisted torture by Robotnik to drain me of the very will to exist._

_            But I saw them, Sonic! I saw their faces! I saw who they were, who they could've been, if it weren't for my damned machine! One of them was a child…a child, Sonic! He had a family! A mother! A father! Maybe siblings too! Because of my machine, because of a selfish ambition, he would never know freedom, or love…ever again!_

_            I looked down at my hands then…and watched as blood just started forming within them. Robotnik was toying with me again…but…it was working. The blood in my hands wasn't just because of his tampering…it was there! Their blood was on my hands! It was all my fault! I couldn't…I just couldn't save them…I…_

_            …Sorry…I had to start over again…I'm sure you could understand why. _

_            Robotnik kept his leash tight over me ever since…I didn't have free will anymore. Instead, I was trapped in a world of my own illusion for the longest time. When you found me, Sonic…that power ring you flashed in front of my face gave me the courage to rebel against the programming…and it worked! And afterward, when I finally regained myself, I was so happy! I was so glad that I wasn't powerless anymore._

_            But…I still was._

_            You see…I still saw them…as ordinary Mobians…not robots._

_            Every time I tried to sleep at night…I could see their faces. I could see them giving me their pitying looks, I could watch their angry eyes burn holes into my digital soul. And…it only got worse when we did missions together._

_            Imagine what it looked like when you smashed all those roboticized people…to me. I didn't see robot parts shattering everywhere._

_            I saw flesh…and blood…_

_            And I saw you revel in it all._

_            I know what it was…but I don't think you quite understood why it drove me to run away every time you broke one of them. The morality of this world is fading, but did you stop to think about the possibility of reverting those robotic Mobians? The broken ones can't come back, you know. You essentially killed them._

_            There just wasn't any blood for you to see, so it didn't seem wrong._

_            But there was plenty for me._

_            …I can't face them anymore, Sonic. My only choice is to leave you guys, and stay out of this fight from now on. I'm so sorry that we never said goodbye to each other, but you would've just tried to stop me…and I would've stopped. I can't stop now…this is the only way I can save my own sanity…the faces…I owe them at least this much._

_            I'm so sorry, can you forgive your poor Uncle Chuck?_

_            Sincerely,_

_            Sir Charles Hedgehog."_

            Sonic's tears came faster now, as the azure hedgehog broke down sobbing. Burying his head into the covers of Uncle Chuck's bed. Sally did the same, crying into Sonic's shoulder, opening her eyes to look once more at the scene.

            And…just a few feet from Sonic's sobbing head…lay Uncle Chuck's robotic shell, his hands clutching an EMP grenade to his chest.

            An EMP grenade that…had already detonated…

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"Now I'm here for all to see,

Everything torn out of me,

Too late to drown in all my doubt,

Too much too late to sort things out!

                        --Gravity Kills, "Here"

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